


(If You) Just Hold On

by aintitfun



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: F/M, Insomnia, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 04:03:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3313187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aintitfun/pseuds/aintitfun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>2 am greeted Tyler like an old friend, but it felt more like an enemy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(If You) Just Hold On

**Author's Note:**

> Internal thoughts in italics. TW for attempted self harm. Please don't read if you're triggered.   
> Title from the song "Twin Skeleton's (Hotel In NYC)"

Two am greeted Tyler like an old friend, but it felt more like an enemy. Just once, he would like to avoid the self deprecating thoughts that attacked him in the night. 

Jenna had gone away with family for the weekend, and he had the house to himself. “No wild parties without me, okay?” She joked with him before she left. “Call me if you need anything at all.” Tyler avoided her gaze as he busied himself with fixing the collar on her coat. “Hey,” Jenna cradled his chin in her hand. “I mean it.”

Tyler nodded before clearing his throat. “Yeah. Have a good time.” He kissed her softly on the lips, before gently shoving her out the door. 

She has only been gone for ten hours and he really did not want to worry her with his nonsense. He tried to occupy his mind by working on a new song, but his unwanted thoughts kept interrupting the process. He pulled out his notebook from under the bed and added a tally mark for the end of the day. Tyler has stopped counting after he hit the year mark, but sometimes seeing all the tally marks helped. _None of that means anything._ Tyler let out a long sigh and rubbed his forehead. He threw the notebook across the room and it landed with a thud against the bookcase. _She doesn’t have to know. You could make them small and indiscrete._ Tyler bit his lip hard as he gripped onto the side of his chair. He glanced at his phone, knowing he should at least text Jenna, but he was too afraid to move. 

HIs mind began to wander to all of the sharp things he could get his hands on. Jenna had done a sweep of the house after the last time she caught him in the bathroom, mumbling to himself and clutching a pocket knife. She gently pried it from his hands and lead him to their bedroom. He remembered the sound of the clashing in the kitchen only slightly hiding the choked sobs that came pouring from the love of his life. It hurt more than any blade ever could. 

_She doesn’t have to know._ Tyler felt his body move towards the bathroom. His world was flying by in slow motion. He saw his hands ripping open the drawers. His head was screaming no, but the words were caught in his throat. He found a small plastic razor and held it in his hand. _Just break it in half. It’s the only way._ Tyler twisted the head and broke it off from the cheap plastic handle. _One step closer._ He grabbed a pair of dull scissors they had lying around and attempted to crack the plastic casing without damaging the blades. _You’re so weak. Just break it already._ Tyler growled in frustration and threw the tiny razor head at the vanity mirror. 

Tyler caught his reflection and he was terrified. His eyes were red and puffy and his bottom lip was sore from the constant gnawing. He looked down at his hands and saw three tiny little lines in the middle of his palm. _You couldn’t even draw blood. How pathetic._ Tyler slid to the floor with his back against the cabinets. “I can’t- This is too much.” He felt his heart race in his chest as he ran his fingertips over the small scars on the palm of his hand. 

The steady pattern of his vibrating phone brought him back to the present as he clamored around on the floor to find it. One missed call and one voicemail from Jenna. Tyler’s finger hovered over the play button, hesitant to hear the sound of his fiance’s voice after knowing what he had just done. Her voice played out through the tiny speakers. “Hey Ty… what? I know we just left, but I just wanted to talk to him.” Tyler’s mouth quirked into a small smile as she talked to the people around her in the voice message. “Sorry, um, I know I just left, but I was just missing your voice kind of. They wouldn’t let me play your music in the car so-“ Fake gagging was heard in the background. “Shut up! ugh, i’ll just try to call you later, since everyone is being so rude.” Her laughter dissolved all of the nonsensical thoughts in his head as he sat down on their shared bed. “I love you and I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Tyler curled up next to her pillow as the message ended. “Alright, I’m coming! Just let me-“ 

He played the message 4 more times before drifting off to sleep.


End file.
